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But this is probably unadvisable, since you'd just make your room lousy with smoke! 04/16/09 "John: Select "HAMMER"." Your STRIFE SPECIBUS has been ALLOCATED with the HAMMERKIND ABSTRATUS.

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On one wall hangs a picture of a fella who sure knows how to have a laugh, a man after your own heart.

You always thought he looked a lot like Michael Cera.

A fire BELONGS in a FIREPLACE, dammit, cata(ptcha)gorically, at all times, without exception.

As domestic myth of unaccountable origin holds, a home borrows the spirit of the flame for as long as it makes a guest of it, much as the moon takes liberty with the sun's rays.

04/18/09 "John: Go downstairs." The accursed odor of fresh baking wafts into your newfound nostrils. It must be the connivings of your arch nemesis, BETTY CROCKER, and the rich, buttery aroma of her plot stinks to high heaven.

This mission is going to be more difficult than you imagined. Funny is funny, but your DAD sure can be a real cornball. 04/18/09 "John: Examine fireplace." A bright orange flame flickers in the FIREPLACE.Hey, welcome to the super cool low-tech search page! You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. 04/13/09 "John: Quickly retrieve arms from drawer." Your ARMS are in your MAGIC CHEST, pooplord! Some of this stuff may come in handy at some point. You are so bad at programming sometimes you wonder why you even bother with it. That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLY PROPER GENTLEMAN AT ALL. 04/15/09 "John: Examine mailbox." The little red arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called is flipped up! It looks like your DAD has returned from the grocery store. Sometimes you feel like you are trapped in this room. 04/16/09 "John: Examine games on CD rack." You've put countless manhours into this assortment of quality titles. But to really dig into this hefty book, you will have to captchalogue it. Oh, right, you forgot your chum is still pestering you.To search for something, hit Ctrl F (or Apple F) and type what you're looking for. If your text is in one of the commands or captions, it'll show up here. 04/13/09 "Homestuck" A young man stands in his bedroom. You have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and are an aspiring AMATEUR MAGICIAN. 04/13/09 "Remove CAKE from MAGIC CHEST." Out of sympathy for John's perceived lack of arms, you pick up the CAKE for him and put it on his BED. For now, you decide to just take the SMOKE PELLETS. 04/14/09 "John: Examine calendar." You've marked your birthday, the 13th of April. 04/14/09 "John: Eat cake." You are sick to death of cake!!! And you have no intention of clogging your SYLLADEX with it either. Stuck, if you will, in a sense which possibly borders on the titular. The clockwork of friendship turns ceaselessly, operating the swing-lever dealies of harassment in perpetuity! 04/16/09 "John: Read COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT." You decide to consult with the Colonel's bottomless wisdom. You are not sure you are ready to logjam your other ARTIFACTS beneath it just yet. In a momentary lapse of concentration, you accidentally captchalogue the arms again. 04/16/09 "John: Answer chum." |PESTERLOG| 04/16/09 "John: Combine fake arms with cake." You stick the FAKE ARMS in the CAKE on your bed.Having it in the middle of the floor sprawled out all akimbo like that struck you as unseemly. 04/19/09 "John: Combine ashes with urn." You merge the SACRED URN with the ASHES.Most of the ASH is back in the URN, but it's a total mess.04/14/09 "John: Examine Problem Sleuth Poster." Is it even possible to get any more hard boiled than that? 04/14/09 "John: Squawk like an imbecile and shit on your desk." This is the dumbest idea you've had in weeks!!! 04/14/09 "John: Use hammer/nails on poster." You use the HAMMER and NAILS card IN CONJUNCTION with the card beneath it. You guess maybe this is one respect in which the cards present some convenience.

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