And invalidating

When you ask her what his reason was, she says that she overspent or the fourth time, running the balance over the limit by buying expensive shoes and they were unable to pay the bill. You probably couldn't use Level 6 or radical genuineness as it's unlikely you have similar experiences that you could understand her feelings on a deep level, such as having had the same experience and reaction.Level 5, normalizing, would not work because most people would agree his response was reasonable and not be upset in that situation.

and invalidating-36

This masking can lead to not acknowledging their feelings even to themselves, which makes the emotions more difficult to manage.

Being able to accurately label feelings is an important step to being able to regulate them.

Level Five is normalizing or recognizing emotional reactions that anyone would have.

Understanding that your emotions are normal is helpful for everyone.

Practice is the key to making validation a natural part of the way you communicate. Your best friend is upset because her husband cut up her credit card. Probably Level 2 is the highest level you could use.

She says he's treating her like a child and is so controlling she doesn't have room to breathe. You could say, "I understand, you are upset because your husband cut up your credit cards without your agreement--that made you feel like he was acting like your parent." You reflect her thoughts and emotions back to her, showing that you accept those feelings as her internal experience.When someone is describing a situation, notice their emotional state.Then either name the emotions you hear or guess at what the person might be feeling.Often one of the reasons other people are uncomfortable with intense emotion is that they don't know what to say.Just being present, paying complete attention to the person in a nonjudgmental way, is often the answer.When done in an authentic manner, with the intent of truly understanding the experience and not judging it, accurate reflection is validating.

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